What Lies Within
DebraIn the past few weeks I've been presented with something of which I've been dreaming. At least it appears to be just what I thought I wanted. For some reason though, I feel overwhelmed, uneasy and not ready for it. I've been struggling because I think I should just be grateful, accept and enjoy it, but I can't. Something doesn't feel right and I can't ignore it.
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I've been working with two coaches on two different areas of my life and they've both come around to the voices that we have within. According to them, we all have an inner critic and we all have inner wisdom. The trick to being successful in obtaining our dreams is knowing which one is guiding us.
One of them told me that when we are conflicted about making a decision, our inner critic is telling us what to do and that's why we don't feel at peace. We might feel sad or depressed, even to the point of feeling physically weighed down.
If we take direction from our inner wisdom, or what some call our intuition, we are filled with a calmness, a sense of harmony and lightness of being. We feel at peace with the decision and 'just know' we're doing the right thing.
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Yesterday I spoke with a friend and she asked what had been happening in my life since we last spoke. I related the situation above to her, including my inability to decide if this was even what I wanted. She said she was going through something very similar in her life right now.
A couple of weeks ago she started dating someone and although he's a wonderful guy and someone with whom she has fun, she just isn't comfortable in the relationship. Like me, she feels like she should happy and grateful and accepting of the gift she's been given. I've known this woman a little over a year and she has always expressed her desire to find a man with whom she can share her life, but also like me, something isn't right and she can't ignore it.
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I sat for a good long time last night, being still and listening. I thought about what was making me uncomfortable, what didn't seem quite right and remembering what I thought things would be like when offered what I've been offered. Then I sat and listened to my inner critic rant at me, telling me all the 'logical' reasons for why I should just essentially 'shut up and be happy' about it. She had what she felt were pretty good arguments... Who am I to think I deserve more than what I've been given? Do I know how old I am? How many more opportunities do I think I'm going to get? Why not just go with it and see what happens? For crying out loud, just settle and stop looking. Do I know how many people would be thrilled to have what I have? Who do I think I am?
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My friend said she had decided she was going to give the relationship some time, try to relax into it and see where it went. She has a strong faith and believes that things will work out as they should. I admire that. I have made that same argument many times before in relationships that even going into them, knew wouldn't work. We are told to try, aren't we?
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I continued to sit and listen long after my inner critic stopped berating me. There were a few minutes where all I heard was the sound of my breathing but still, I waited. Finally, I heard it. My inner wisdom spoke in a calm, quiet voice and told me what I needed to hear. This isn't the right thing for me. If this was real, it would be easier, a natural fit into my life and wouldn't leave me feeling like this. I need to let this opportunity pass for the hope of something better, something that's perfectly right for me.
Yes, I could try it and see what comes of it. I could try to make it right, but in the end, it is still going to be wrong. I will have spent a lot of time and energy on something that wasn't mine in the first place and more importantly, will undoubtedly leave me tired and leery and distracted when the right situation does show up.
Because it will. I know that. My dreams aren't elaborate or unattainable. They are definitely within my reach. This just wasn't the manifestation of one of them.
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My heart feels lighter today, I feel perfectly at ease and I slept better than I have in a year. Peace within can't be denied.
Reader Comments (3)
That is a v tough situation to be in. But you knew right away that it wasn't right. Why do we do that - force an offer/relationship/event just because it's something we *should* want.
Good for you for taking the time and hearing what wasn't being said.
intuition should never be questioned, ever. i am young(ish) (okay shutup i'm not that young) but i have already learned to never question it, as i spent a good portion of my early 20's ignoring it completely and let's just say that didn't work out so well.
on the flip side of what you've got going on is what *i've* got going on-- when it feels oh so ridiculously right (for both parties), but one (or both) parties starts to overthink it and the logistics are hard and the timing is bad and blah blah blah. even though there's obstacles it still feels right, but we let the obstacles get in our way.
sigh. i think it's a cruel joke that the universe made logic and intuition seemingly ALWAYS be at odds.
In response to your last commenter, I don't think logic and intuition are at odds - I think we are just programmed, at this point, to not accept the good and the happy for what they are. Never underestimate the human mind's ability to rationalize anything, for the better or for the worse. :)
As for YOU, my dear, I am so very happy that you are to a point where you can listen to yourself. To your TRUE self. At the end of the day, it's the one thing we can trust. As I have said so many times before, it truly makes my heart smile to watch you on this journey and to see the strides you make as you are making them. I'm a proud friend, over here. :)