Faking It
'Tis the season for holiday parties and concerts and plays and I couldn't feel less like participating. If I had my way, I would go to bed right now and hibernate until the spring thaw. I'm not sure what's wrong, if it's emotional or physical, but I'm exhausted and sad and a little cranky.
I'm not hibernating, however. I am forcing myself to go and do, see and be seen, even if it hurts and even if I have to leave to find a place where I can fall apart and even if I can't get through the day without yawns so big they threaten to unhinge my jaw. Part of me wonders if I'm doing the right thing, pushing myself, but I know sitting at home and moping isn't helping anything.
I'm doing things because I think I should, not because I want to. Or I know that once I go I'll have a good time and I could really use some good times. I miss my friends, old and new, and sitting at home grieving over being alone isn't a productive use of time.
So I continue to schedule events I don't want to attend and smile my way through times when I don't feel it. Sometimes I get lucky and fake my way right into joy. Those times are precious. Those times are what I cling to when I'm falling apart. Those are the times that let me know I'm going to be just fine.
'Tis just the season.
depression, events, friends, holiday, single in About My Day 
Reader Comments (3)
I'm dealing with EXACTLY the same thing right now. Tasha had to nearly force me to decorate the house for Christmas, and I usually love it so much! I miss friends and family, and I'm particularly dreary this year due to a lot of extra work related stress and long hours.
Sometimes, I too am able to fake myself into enjoying the trappings of the season even though I made myself attend. Those times are few and far between, and I'm having a hard time looking forward to the events that I have planned this month. It's going to be good to be home near the end of December, I need a break.
Sorry for the long-winded reply... I guess I just wanted to say "you are not alone!"
Thanks, Josh. That does help. And I'm feeling better today than when I wrote this so there's that. ;)
I think it's going around....I think what needs to happen is that we should all get the entire month of December off as paid time. Then, we could focus on the fun and lightness and joy...and not on the mundane. :)
Extra hugs.