The Fear
"Well, you've finally done it. You're officially more trouble than you're worth."
He didn't mean it. He was joking with me in response to me telling him about going vegan. I laughed with him, joked about one of his more annoying qualities and we hung up the telephone with the usual goodbyes and miss yous. He's one of my closest friends and if he knew that comment still rattled around my brain, bringing tears to my eyes, he would feel horrible.
It only hurts because it's been an underlying fear that I've had ever since making this decision; since becoming a vegetarian four years ago, really. I never know how people are going to react when they know that sometimes special accommodations have to be made if I'm going to go out to lunch, come over for dinner or travel with them. It should be easier than it is but a good 75% of the time, it's difficult. And that percentage was just from being vegetarian. I expect it to be closer to 90% or more being vegan.
I've never been sent a wedding invitation that asks if I prefer chicken, beef or a vegetable kabob. I've had to turn down work lunches because after perusing the selected restaurant's online menu, I know there's nothing there I can eat. How many holiday dishes can you name that don't contain cream, butter, milk, eggs, sour cream, gelatin or mayonnaise? Forget about the turkey or ham sitting in the middle of the table, I can't even eat the side dishes.
I know he didn't mean it. He was teasing me just like he's always teased me and if I wanted to go to lunch with him, he'd make sure that we went somewhere with options for me on the menu. It's not my close friends that I'm worried about. It's everyone else.
For instance, I have two all day workshops planned later this year that will involve traveling with strangers and stopping for at least one meal, if not two. How do I voice an opinion on where to eat if I don't know the area? Why should my minority vote count, anyway? Do I bring my own food and sit outside and eat by myself? Or sit at the table sipping a glass of water, sneaking almonds from my bag?
I was worried about Girls Weekend this year. Thank goodness, Denise has an adventurous spirit and a love of new foods because she's actually excited about trying new vegan restaurants this time around. I hate that I can't go to all the great food places she'd probably love to go to but I love that she's willing to venture to new places and try new foods with me. She's made the whole planning of the weekend seem like a treasure hunt.
David is the same way. He's 100% behind me and supportive of my decision. Thankfully, he'll be with me on those all day workshops and will understand if I'm sitting at the table, sneaking almonds. I guess I'm just afraid of alienating people and alienating myself. I don't need to be even more alone. And I certainly don't want to be the one who is "more trouble than she's worth."
fear, friends, vegan in About Well-Being 
Reader Comments (6)
You're doing this because it matters to you. There are generally vegan choices (though sometimes you have to work with staff to be creative!) and restaurants are there to serve you. Steakhouses usually have baked potatoes and salads, at least. Burger joints often have a veggie burger (though I know that those might not be vegan - it's a start!). I was vegetarian, not vegan, for six years, but I had friends who were vegan and I got pretty good at cooking for them.
I know how you feel, though. I found out at the beginning of the year that I'm allergic to random kinds of seafood. People expect a shrimp allergy, but no one expects mackerel, clams, oysters, octopus, and a few other things. It's sometimes hard going to seafood restaurants because I have to talk to them about making sure there's no cross contamination (when I say "allergic" I mean "epi-pen time"). It's really embarrassing. I have a friend who is allergic to citrus and melons, which is also really frustrating.
Friends will understand and adapt. Restaurants can usually figure out something. Chowhound sometimes has good suggestions, and if you're ever in Reno there's a great little vegetarian/vegan place. Cities are easier than small towns - when I was vegetarian, we got served chicken soup because it didn't have any chicken in it. See? No pieces of chicken! Sigh.
Sorry, I'm rambling. Don't be embarrassed by it. You'll be okay. With recipes like this one, how can you go wrong? :) http://www.cookincanuck.com/2011/09/vegetarian-mushroom-cannellini-bean-ragout-recipe/
Listen up darling. You are absolutely perfect just the way you are. Please hush that voice in the corner of you mind telling you otherwise. I'm sure your friend would be mortified if he knew that his off the cuff comment was still rattling around in your head. If he's a good friend you should be able to let him know what your fears are and he can help you put them to rest.
When we finally meet I can't wait for you to take me to your favourite vegan place!
I second what Sandi said. You make decisions based on what's best for you because you have to put yourself first. If people have trouble with it, that's too damned bad. We all do things that other people don't necessarily support; that's what makes us all special and unique.
I'm proud of you for exploring this and talking so openly about it. I'm also happy that you've decided to try veganism. You're doing it because it's important to you!
Just after reading this post, I saw this in my feed reader. I don't know if it's vegan or not, but it looks good and I'm not a veggie fan!
We love ya, Debra!
I truly appreciate all the support. Thank you, friends! xo
Never ever will you be more trouble than you are worth, sweetheart. Never. You are delightful and quite the enriching person to have along in life. :) And... here's another secret: vegan food does not mean unappetizing food. Anybody that finds FOOD a reason to not bother with you is so NOT worth your time, anyway. I adore you.