Feelings I'm Having
I had a dream the other night that I can't seem to shake. I won't share the details but I was left with an overwhelming sense that I'm running out of time. I don't think it was an omen that I'm going to die any time soon-- dreams are rarely that literal--but I did take away a determination to not waste what time I have left, whether that be one year or fifty.
I want to do so many things. There are many places and countries I want to visit. I want to live outside the country at some point. I want to work in a new field. I want to volunteer in a job that makes me feel like my time on this earth has meant something. As I mentioned at dinner with friends tonight, I'd love to try making ceramics and blowing glass... just to see if I can make something beautiful. There are hundreds of books I want to read and photographs I want to take. There are people I need to know better and people I have yet to meet. There are dreams I haven't even dreamed yet.
So much to do.
Within hours of waking, I closed my Twitter account. I set the date for when I will get rid of cable television. I am pretty sure Facebook and Google+ will be closed before the end of February. It wasn't that I spent much time on any of those things but they are distractions, none the less. If they aren't there at all, I will spend those minutes doing something that means a little more in the long run.
I shut down this blog for a few hours and then, after more consideration, opened it again. I still want this little corner of the Internet to document parts of my life, at least for now. But it may not always be here, either. I've decided to write in my journal more, and in more detail. I want an account of more day-to-day decisions and choices and outcomes and feelings because I'm thinking this little journey might be memoir-worthy one day. It's just another feeling I'm having.
I guess I'm trading in a lot of different connections with hundreds of different people for a few, heartfelt, trustworthy, quality connections. Online friends are wonderful and supportive and there have been times when I wouldn't have made it through the night without them, but I have confidence that the online friends that have become true friends will always be with me. If the others fall away, then I'm willing to live with that. And my true friends will understand my decision.
The best thing I've decided to do so far this year is sending a handwritten note to someone new each week. There's something about sitting quietly and thinking about someone, especially someone you don't know extremely well, and thinking about what they mean to you, and putting that to paper. It's not only a great exercise in friendship, it's a great writing exercise, and I think the connections I make doing this are going to be strong and important.
It's just another feeling I have.
connection, feelings in About Well-Being 
Reader Comments (6)
This. Is. Good. Keep going. Yay!
I find myself having so many reactions to this post. While I'm not sure I can articulate them here in any rational way, I want to wish you thie best and can't wait to see how far you can go.
This makes me sad. I loved talking to you on Twitter. :(
I will miss you on Twitter, but this sounds like a great choice for you, and that's all that matters. <3
You do what you have to do. And if that means leaving all this behind, then go for it. Though I don't blog as much as I used to, I think I too would have the hardest time shutting that down. It's where I go when I have nowhere else.
You've meant a great deal to me over the past couple years or so. You are a constant encourager, and I hope I've helped you in some small way.
We should Skype. Look me up at <thecheekofgod> . . .
I'm just seeing this now so I'm late to comment. I have been spending less and less time on social media. I have all but abandoned my blog and twitter feels like a chore. Hooray for deciding to let go of what no longer serves you!