The Safety Dreams

If you've been reading here a while, you know that I want to buy a new home and get a new job in 2012. I've been working toward both goals for a little over six months. My home was made show-ready last year and as soon as the market picks up (please, God), there will be a For Sale sign in my front lawn. As far as the job goes, I've gone on seven informational interviews and found one job that I really thought I would love. I interviewed last month and have yet to hear back. So, I have put wheels in motion, at least.

But, if I am completely honest with myself, these aren't really the dreams I have for myself, and the longer it takes to make progress, the more I come back to that. These are my safety dreams... the things I can realistically achieve and not rock my life boat too much. Sure, they would be nice changes from what I have today but why am I not putting time and energy into what I really want? 

If you pray for wisdom, or ask for guidance from the Universe, or just get quiet and listen to that still small voice inside you, you've probably also begged for a sign that you were doing the right thing. I get that, we all need reassurance sometimes. What I don't understand is whether I'm being shown signs or if I'm creating signs, and, if that's really the same thing. 

I have been praying for wisdom and assurance that I'm doing the right thing. I have decided that if things go smoothly in finding a job, or buying a home, it is the right job or home for me. So, when something doesn't go smoothly, am I being given a sign or have I created the sign and... if so, isn't it a sign that deep down I know it isn't right and that's how I'm telling myself? Or, could it be my way of sabotaging the safety dreams so I'll finally change gears and go after my real dreams? 

Things like this keep my mind spinning for hours. 

But I Thought You Wanted to Connect

My Twitter account was deleted last month and Google+, Foursquare, Pinterest, and a few other sites quickly followed. Today, I deactivated my Facebook account and, this week, I turn off my telephone and cable television services. It wasn't surprising then, when a reader emailed to ask, "Why, if you've chosen this year as your time to CONNECT, are you disconnecting from everyone and everything?"  I suppose it does appear that way but, as they say, appearances can be deceiving.

Without the distractions and time-wasters I allowed those sites to become, I've forged new friendships through this blog and in the email correspondence back-and-forth with new readers. I've initiated more get-togethers with local friends and enjoyed meals, movies, and chats over tea. I've made plans for travel this year with my budding friends in photography. I've re-learned the art of letter writing and started pen-pal relationships with people I had previously only written to in "tweets." I've gotten more involved in my community and am more apt to spend time talking with strangers. I seek out people in the room instead of watching the antics of people in my Smartphone. I am connecting in exactly the ways I had hoped. 

I don't want my only communication from family to be on a Facebook wall. I don't want news from friends to get lost because I didn't happen to be reading Twitter during the 10-second interval the tweet was visible.

And so it may seem odd that I'm severing online ties, I'm actually finding stronger bonds by doing so. The amazing friends I've met on Twitter are still amazing friends. My family is still my family. Just because we don't share a social media network shouldn't change that. In fact, I hope it makes us more determined to connect in real ways.

I don't want an 140-character life.

One Debra, Free of Charge

Three years ago, I was at my breaking point emotionally. I had volunteered concurrently with survivors of sexual abuse/domestic violence and with senior citizens at less-than-stellar long-term care facilities. It had taken a toll on me that I couldn't seem to overcome. I thought moving away from that and working with victims of natural disasters would be a lighter load but really, any heartache is heartache and I was too far gone at that point to help anyone. So with a heavy heart and a wave of guilt, I resigned my posts and focused on digging myself out of that black hole.

But now it's been three long years of rejuvenation and it's been decades since I've been this long without a volunteer job. I would love to get back out there but I'm a little gunshy. My heart still feels for the people I was helping before but I don't think I can go through that again. I end up carrying those burdens on my heart and I tend to be too sensitive anyway... so I know now, it isn't healthy for me.

So what to do instead? I would love to do something I love -- event planning, teaching, or working with animals. Do you have any ideas? I'm not sure where to start. I'm excited to find something that helps me CONNECT with my community.

Just One More

I'm participating in a Pushup Challenge this year that I heard about from my friend, Mary. The gist is that you do one pushup on the first day of the year, two pushups on the second day of the year, ten pushups on the tenth day of the year,  ... and if you're jumping ahead, you know that by the end of the year, you are expected to do 365 pushups on December 31st. Well, except this year because it's Leap Year, I get to do 366 pushups on the last day of the year. When I do something, I go all in. 

It's only three weeks in and I've learned a couple of things. 

• Any goal is conquerable with perseverance... There is no way that I could do one pushup on January 1st and then expect to do 366 on December 31st without doing all the work in between. It's the journey to the goal that is the real reward. And, where you learn the most about yourself.
• ...and a good attitude. When I got on the floor to do pushups this morning, I didn't think to myself, "I have to do 21 pushups." I thought, "I just have to do one more than yesterday." 

And every day, I do just that. Just one more.

The Pushup Challenge is just one of the four fitness goals I've set for myself this year. Are you doing anything to maintain or improve your fitness? I'd love to hear what and how you're doing. Good luck! 

Touchstone Word 2012

I think touchstone words are magical. There, I said it. This will be my fifth year of having one and if it plays out as the others have, I will find at the end of it that every major decision, life event, and serendipitous moment will be tied to that word. 

If you aren't sure what a touchstone word is, it is the one word that sums up the direction and feeling the new year will have. Not only do I create goals that guide me in the direction of the word, I also use it whenever I come to one of life's crossroads. I opt for the choice most likely to bring me closer to realizing the word. It hasn't steered me wrong yet.

At the beginning of 2011 I told you my touchstone word for the year was INVEST. And, I did. I spent countless hours and a lot of money on classes to build my creativity. I learned about writing, photography, and painting. I invested in my career by taking on new responsibilities and meeting with leaders within the organization to discuss future opportunities. I invested in my well-being with the practice of yoga, tai chi, meditation, and by becoming vegan. I renovated the kitchen, made minor repairs and upgrades to the rest of the house, and met with a realtor to prepare my house for sale this spring. Whenever I had a day off, it was spent investing in one of these endeavors. I dare say, this was one of the most fulfilling and productive years I've ever had. 

As I've said before, I don't choose my touchstone word... it finds me. And this year, it started whispering in my ear about the end of October. I wasn't even thinking about the new year but there it was, this tiny little voice insistently begging to be noticed. I tried to put it out of my mind, thinking that if it was still around in December, it was definitely the word. As it turned out, I haven't been able to think of anything else since. It just feels right and is the perfect next step in this evolution I'm undergoing. 

My touchstone word for 2012 is CONNECT.

Much of 2011 was spent inwardly, putting forth time, effort, and money into things that would expand my understanding, grow my interests, and poise me for the next steps I need to take. In 2012, I expect my vision to become more outwardly focused. I'm not sure I'm ready to discuss my specific goals but I have some that will help me find connections to people I already love, people I have yet to meet, a community I have yet to find, and with a bit of introspection, to the me I am yet to be. 

This is going to be the best year yet. 

One 2012 Project

I have a goal for 2012 which could benefit from your help. I would like to send at least one handwritten note to someone each week of the year. I have my cards and pens purchased, and after a quick trip to the post office, I'll have enough stamps to carry this out. What I need now are recipients. 

If you would like to receive a note, just email me your address. There's no obligation to write back or even acknowledge the card, if you don't want to. (If you don't have my email address, you can use the Email Me link on this page.)  I'd also love to send notes to people in the military, living in long-term care facilities, or just generally in need of a pick-me-up. Let me know who might enjoy a card and I'll add them to the list. 

Why am I doing this? Because I think the art of handwritten correspondence is fading behind the advancement of technology. Because there are people out there who need to know that for even a few brief moments, someone was thinking about them. Because I need the practice of stringing together more sentences about life than can fill a Twitter status or a Facebook Wall post. Because people can't help but smile when they open the mailbox and see a 'just because' card. And, because there is great joy in creating smiles. 

Recharged

Things have been stressful lately... partly because life is just difficult sometimes and partly because I haven't been sleeping well because I can't stop thinking about how difficult some things are and partly because when things don't go as I planned, it takes me a while to find peace with it.  So I took five days off at Thanksgiving and worked on feeling better again. Fingers crossed, it seemed to have worked.

I'm one of those people who needs to be alone to find my center. Friends and family and coworkers are great and generally speaking, I like spending time with them, but it also wipes me out. I can feel my batteries dying by the end of a long work day and lately, there hasn't been enough time between the end of one day and the beginning of the next to fully recharge. My energy has been at less than optimal levels for a while now.

My job requires me to talk to a lot of people, lead meetings, answer questions, provide training, resolve conflicts, negotiate, coach, and brainstorm. I love it all and welcome the challenge but it also completely drains me. Some people recharge with that kind of interaction; I need quiet chats with close friends or a peaceful moment alone to feel better. 

Those five days seem to have done the trick. I limited my time online (which can also be tiring) and I spent hours and hours alone, reflecting and dreaming.  Other than a couple of phone calls with friends and family and one lovely afternoon sitting at a local coffee shop with former coworkers, I did nothing to interact with the human race. It was probably a bit hermit-ish but I could feel how much I needed it. 

The best part was I had time to sit and think about what I wanted 2012 to bring. I have journal page after journal page of ideas and dreams and goals and I'm excited by what lies ahead. That time alone helped me to not only recharge but reenergize. Nothing perks me up like a new year ahead of me and a list of goals to achieve. 

I'm feeling like my best self again.