Stress Less Chesters

This just might be my least favorite time of year. It's so disheartening to hear from so many people that setting goals at New Year's is dumb or a waste of time or that goals are just one more thing at which they fail. 

News flash: Nobody is grading you. 

When I hear people talk about it, I can't help but wonder if they just don't understand how to set goals. There's absolutely no reason why anyone should be frustrated, angry or feeling like a loser just from trying to make changes. Changes that they want, might I add. There are other ways to approach this. 

If you're consistently unable to reach your goals, you may want to rethink your strategy. Don't set yourself up for failure. If you set concurrent goals to lose 30 pounds and to stop smoking, you are probably going to fail. Or wind up in prison for killing a coworker from the stress. Decide which goal is more important for health, financial or social reasons and go after that one. There's always next year to take on the other. 

Tip: If you want to lose 30 pounds, don't set a goal of losing 30 pounds. Set a goal of losing five pounds and then reward yourself with an evening of your favorite magazines and a bubble bath. Then set another five pound goal with a reward attached. You're going to be a lot less stressed, feel achievement at every milestone (which is great for keeping you motivated), and you'll reach the end goal with a lot better frame of mind. And a lot of magazines. 

If you always associate goals with limits/deprivation/pain/punishment, again, rethink your strategy. Nobody died and made you a tyrant. Sure you may want to set a goal to limit sweets or go to the gym more often but who says you can't also have a goal to go out to lunch with your best friend every month? Or buy yourself flowers every payday? My personal fun goal this year is to dance like a drunken monkey every day. Ten days in and it's my favorite part of the day. Look for something fun that will add enjoyment and laughter to your life. 

If you set a goal and don't reach it for whatever reason, avoid the negative self-talk. Celebrate the fact that you identified the change you want to make. There are people who can't even get that far. Review it to see if it can be broken down into smaller, more manageable/achievable goals and start again. Or if you need help, ask. If you just need more time, give it to yourself. You are in control. And throw in another fun goal just to keep up your spirits. 

If you are just repulsed at calling it a goal, call it Chester. It really is that simple. 

Saving for Spring

I've had a couple of email conversations with the realtor and we both agreed that this isn't the right time of year to put my house on the market. There hasn't been much interest in the homes for sale in my neighborhood and the area I want to move to has only added two new places to the market in the last six weeks, neither of which I'm interested in. She said things start to pick up again in the February/March timeframe so I don't have to wait too much longer. *fingers crossed*

It was starting to feel like a defeat, though, in that "things aren't going to plan" sort of way so I decided to do something to feel back in control. And for me, that meant setting new goals. I'm making lists of all the things I'm going to need/want to purchase for the new home and setting aside additional savings each month to cover them. I'm not going to need a lot of things (I'm all about less is more) but there is a desire to buy nicer quality pieces of the few things I'll need. My savings is enough to cover it all now, I'm sure, but I'd like to get through the closing and moving costs and new purchases without dipping into what I have already. So that's the new goal and it makes me feel like the months I've been given while waiting to put my house on the market are a gift, rather than a disappointment. 

In somewhat related news, I've already begun getting excited to create my vision board for 2012. Everything, and I do mean everything, that I had on my board for 2011 has seen amazing progress. I'm definitely a dreamer fueled by goal-setting, determined to make things happen. I can't wait to see what's in store for next year!

When I Set My Mind...

Today I woke determined. I've felt myself pulling back on everything the last month or so and though my instincts said that was the right thing to do, I woke up with a renewed sense of purpose and decided that today was the day I was going to make things happen.

By 8pm, I had:

• Spoken to the realtor and scheduled her to come over Monday to review neighborhood comparable sales and at what price we should list my home
• Scheduled Salvation Army to come at the end of next week to pick up all my excess furniture and household goods that are too big for me to get in my vehicle and take to Goodwill
• Scheduled the plumber to come Friday morning to work on the bathroom drain that has decided to throw a fit this week
• Contacted an electronics recycling company about picking up my old laptops, desktop computer and printer
• Notified my homeowners' association, as per the by-laws, that my house will be for sale soon

 Things are in motion. Let's hope the momentum carries.

One-third Down

It's the first of May, believe it or not. This year is following in the footsteps of its predecessors and speeding by much too quickly. However, May is usually a month full of gorgeous blooming and leafing plants and a bit more consistent warm weather so I'm happy to see its arrival.

Today also marks the end of the first third of the year. It's a good time to take a look at the goals and dreams you set at the beginning of the year and make sure you're tracking to plan. I spent a few minutes with my vision board this morning and I feel very good about where my year is headed.  I had four themes on my board and three of them are well underway. The fourth needs a bit more focus but I work on it when opportunities arise. 

How about you? Are you feeling pretty good about your goals? If not, no worries, you still have plenty of time left in your year. The first of May is a wonderful day to start fresh, renew the commitments you made to yourself and get reenergized. We're lucky here that we're also in the midst of our spring season and that always helps motivate people into action. So, how do you feel? Are you ready to take on the next third of the year and meet some of your goals? What would you like to see accomplished by the time September rolls around? 

Spring forward

This is the morning that we here in North America move our clocks forward one hour so that we can enjoy a bit more sunshine in our evenings. I was awake this morning when the time change officially happened so I was watching when the DVR clock jumped from 1:59am to 3:00am without so much as a hiccup.

And just like that, I was catapulted one hour forward in my life. 

I was inspired by that single moment to find other areas in which I can move my life forward. This is the week I'm going to call the man about fixing up my house for sale. This is the week I buy the tools I need to do a bit of landscaping that will help my house show well. It won't be long before I can call the realtor and say, Yes, I'm ready.

In what areas of your life are you ready to spring forward? What small steps are you ready to take to bring a bit more sunshine to your day? 

One Year

One year ago today I published the first post on this blog. It seems like decades ago and ten minutes ago at the same time. I can't believe we're one year in and I'm still trying to find my footing here. Truth be told, I miss my old blog and the community we built over there. It's taking time to warm up to this one and gain my readers back. I don't regret the decision to move because the old blog had served its purpose but there are (many) times I wish we could go back.

But, no. Moving forward is the overarching theme of this blog and life. I'm looking forward to the year ahead and capturing here what I experience, learn and achieve. Perhaps if I share more of myself here, I'll begin to feel more at home and the community will follow. That's the goal for year two.

Thank you for reading and supporting me and joining me on my journey to New Endings. You're always welcome.

Touchstone Word 2011

My touchstone word for the new year found me soon after writing this post. I had a short list of possibilities, words that I thought I wanted to steer towards, but no, that isn't the way touchstone words work. They seek you out -- tapping you on the shoulder, whispering in your ear, tugging at your sleeve -- until you just have to take notice. Once you do, it's amazing how easily your intentions for the year just fall into place. That's how you know the right word was chosen.

Every year, my touchstone words have been verbs, action words. Most touchstone words are, from what I've read. That is by design. We are driven to change, grow, learn, explore (all good touchstone word choices, by the way) and touchstone words enable us to focus that energy. 

I've done a lot of searching the past couple of years. I had no idea what I wanted when I started and now I do. I've taken myself through personal journeys most people never attempt and I've loved every moment of it. I can see what it is I need to do and what I want to do and I am ready.

This year, my touchstone word is INVEST.

It's time to put my time, energy, resources and passion into the things that matter most. I can see this touching every area of my life, which is exactly what a touchstone word should do. It should be your guiding light, your compass, your touchstone in every situation.

• This year, I will INVEST in relationships that fulfill and uplift me, that make me feel that I am more instead of less. I will build stronger ties with people who matter and learn to let go of the people who do not. This includes investing in the relationship I have with myself. I will continue to make healthy choices so I can maintain my strong mind and body. I will love myself more, think of myself in a more positive light and cut myself some slack. 
• This year, I will INVEST in my personal growth and creative nature. I will continue with the self-exploration, learning to dream, dare and discover. I will laugh more and cry less. I will take chances, seek adventure and continue to be the brave person I have come to be. I will make time to explore my passions and improve the quality of my non-work time. I will write more stories, take more photos, create more recipes and generally find more ways to enjoy life. 
• This year, I will INVEST in the world around me. I will do my part to sustain this planet, care for people and animals who aren't in a position to care for themselves and try to bring joy wherever and whenever I can. 
• This year, I will INVEST in my career and financial future. This is an area in which I have always invested so it doesn't need as much attention, perhaps, as the others but as of today, I work for new management so it is a good time to dust things off, shake things up and expand my role. I want to enjoy my job for as long as I need to work. 

So, what does all that mean? It means the people and things that matter are going to matter more. It means every day will have a purpose. It means that the investment I'm going to make should reap a more bountiful, enjoyable and quality life. 

Let's go, 2011! 

My Vision

I've always been one of "those" people. You know the ones... the people who make lists and set goals and check things off. Making new year's resolutions has always been something I enjoy and, more often than not, I'm successful at meeting the challenges I set. Seeing things in black and white inspires and motivates me and I love tracking my progress throughout the year. 

You would think with having a pretty good track record, I wouldn't change it up but this year I am. I heard such good things from people who make vision boards that I decided to give it a try. Essentially, a vision board is a collage of pictures, quotations, and/or artwork that depicts what you would like to see for yourself in the future. It's a way to visualize the life you want a little more clearly than just what might be rattling around in your mind.

I've seen some people make a vision board that looks more like a letter to Santa, with pictures of houses and cars and boats and jewelry, etc. but that really isn't a vision board. It's broader and deeper than material things, at least in my mind.

To make my board, I sat down with a stack of magazines, a pair of scissors and an open mind. I didn't turn pages looking for anything, I just collected everything that spoke to me in that moment. I cut out pictures, phrases, slogans and sometimes just things in a particular color I liked. By the time I was through, I had quite an assortment of clippings.

The next step was to try to sort them into categories or themes. As it turned out, I had a lot of photos of women running or in yoga poses, beautiful pictures of colorful fruits, vegetables and grains (one of my magazines was a vegetarian food magazine), and one amazing photo of a woman lying in a hammock overlooking the ocean. It was evident that if those healthy and relaxing pictures spoke to me so strongly from the magazines that a healthy lifestyle is something I envision and want to incorporate even more into my life. 

I found two other pretty significant themes and one sub-theme in the photos I collected. Most of it wasn't too shocking, one of them was. Overall though, I think I learned more about myself in just those few hours than I ever would have sitting down to write out resolutions. 

After selecting my favorites from the photos I had, I glued them in a collage on a piece of poster board and hung it up in my den. I've looked at it every day since, sometimes taking it all in, sometimes focusing on a single area. Just to make sure I don't forget about it, I took a photo of the vision board and am using that as the wallpaper on my cell phone, too. It's there in front of me each of the 348 times a day I check my email, texts or Twitter. 

Whether I'm as successful in achieving my vision as I was with achieving my goals is yet to be seen. I learned a lot about me from the exercise of creating it so that was amazing and I have to admit, I thoroughly enjoyed the arts-n-crafts process of cutting, gluing and collaging. I don't make enough time for things like that so that was good for me, too.

Now, to see how 2011 unfolds... 

Touchstone

A few years ago I started incorporating a touchstone word into my annual goals for the new year. In 2008, the word I chose was "focus." I used that year to make sure my focus was on others, rather than myself. By the end of the year, I was working three volunteer jobs and donating items and money to several others. That was the first year in all the years I've worked at this company that I had that amount of time to give and it felt great to spend time not focused on my day job. I'm sure those agencies benefitted from what I gave but not nearly as much as I did from what I received. 

In 2009, I chose the word "realize." That was the year I determined the distance between what I am and what I am to become. I identified the steps I needed to take to realize my dreams and in doing so, realized my worth and potential. That was a pivotal year. 

Last year, my touchstone word was "brave." I had absolutely no idea how often or how desperately I would cling to that word over the last twelve months. When I chose the word, I thought I would need it because I was planning on moving out of the country, building a life with someone and experiencing a multitude of cultural and personal changes. I didn't know I would need that word because my heart and dreams were going to be shattered, or because I was going to find myself on the side of a cliff with only two frightening ways to get down, or because my house and personal belongings were going to be violated by a burglar, and as a result of that, every time I closed my eyes or took a shower, I imagined someone climbing in a window and I ended up shaking with fear. How could I have known? 

I don't know what I would have done without that word to come back to, time and time again. "Debra, you are brave. You can do this. You are brave." I've had to utter that phrase so many times this year, I don't even think about it anymore. It just comes, like a mantra, to my lips. Thankfully.

I've not chosen my word for 2011 yet but knowing how powerful and impactful my words have become, I never make this decision lightly. In fact, I'm not sure I make the decision at all, but rather, the word finds me. It flashes in my mind and I know. I just know. 

If I had my way, the word would be "love." Wouldn't that be amazing, to have a year that unexpected and life-changing love found me? We will see... 

My Story

I was talking to someone a few weeks ago about the dreams we have for our lives and we were visualizing the future when he turned the conversation around and wanted to know what I believed my story to be. Each of us has a story that we tell ourselves and it has a lot to do with our happiness and ability to successfully achieve our goals.

Examples of the stories we tell ourselves are things like: I'm always late. I can never remember names. I am no good at math. I never fit in. 

So, as he sat there patiently, I took a deep breath and told my story. 

I am no good at socializing in large groups. I'm book smart but have no common sense. I am too quiet and reserved. I'm a klutz. I think too much. I'm not spontaneous enough. I'm no fun. 

He sat there for a minute, took my hand and asked me what the rest of my story was. I wasn't sure what he meant, wasn't that enough? He prompted me with, "You're the one everyone relies on. You're the organized one." Oh, yeah. Funny, I didn't even think about that aspect of my story. I don't tend to remember or believe the positive things about myself but man, those negative things jumped right out.

He asked me how my story was written. Part of it I could remember. Incidents from childhood, school years... but some I couldn't remember. It just always was. He said he would bet that most, if not all, my story was written by other people. One witnessed incident, one thoughtless nickname or joking insult, and the next thing you know, you're carrying the weight of someone else's reality for you. 

Then he told me to forget that story. I could change my story to be whatever I wanted it to be. The important thing to remember was, The Story always comes before The Reality. 

By the end of the day, I had rewritten my story. I'm proud to say I know exactly when and by whom my story was written now. I'm living a new story, in a new reality, and nowhere in it am I a klutz. 

What's your story?