Dream Burritos and Spreadsheet Goals

I don't like letting go of dreams. It feels like giving up on a friend and failing myself all wrapped up together in a spicy burrito, then, eating that burrito and being up all night with heartburn. 

Dream death is hard on me, is what I'm saying. 

I've wanted to move for a long time now. It's all that has kept me hopeful and moving forward some days. But I need to let it go. All the signs are telling me this isn't the right time. For the first time on this street, houses are not selling easily. The neighborhood I wanted to move to hasn't had a decent listing since last summer. And, surprisingly enough, I've fallen back in love with my house. 

Maybe it was the mild winter that's morphed into an extended spring that is making everything around here seem ideal. Or, maybe my attitude has shifted. Whatever it is, I'm finding more and more reasons to stay. I love my yard. Where else am I going to find a yard with dozens and dozens of pines and birch trees, gorgeous flowers and shrubs, and a berm that vibrates with multitudes of birds and communities of squirrels and rabbits? I love my den that I converted from the small third bedroom at the top of the stairs. I've been in here most of the weekend, writing and reading and looking out at the rain splashing through the tree branches. I like that my neighbors are relatively quiet. I like the woodwork in this house. I like all the character in every angled wall. I love my gloriously large bedroom that can be sunny and bright or dark and cavelike, at my choosing. It's not my dream home, no, but it is a great home. 

So, I'm not moving this year. But, I have new goals and I'm more even more excited than I was about moving. Two hours this afternoon were spent on creating a spreadsheet, outlining all the steps, building a budget, and making timelines. You know it's a good goal when I get my nerd on. 

This feels huge. Important. And very, very right. 

Be happy for me. This is good. 

Nothing to Wear

I feel like I'm at a crossroads and I have no idea what to do next. Do you ever feel like that? 

I got the call that I was expecting today but I didn't hear the message I had hoped. It tossed all my short-term dreams up in the air and I can hear nothing but the sound of them falling to earth and shattering around me. I had told myself that if this was the message I received, it meant that I needed to make some big changes... life-will-never-be-the-same changes. 

I wasn't expecting that. 

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Someone told me once that it must be nice to be me, unattached and child-free. The whole world must look like nothing but endless options. I thought about that for a while, and in the words of the television character, Adrian Monk, said, "It's a gift... and a curse." 

Remember those signs I was asking for? Well, I got one today (or I concocted one, the jury is still out) and I feel like I'm being pushed to make a decision but I can't even narrow down things enough to have only two choices in front of me. 

(Sorry for the vagueness but, you know, the Internet has big ears.)

Does it make sense to feel like you need to do something when you don't even know what that thing is? Where is the urgency and desire coming from? Is this one of those times life is going to force me to jump and have faith that the net will appear? 

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I mentioned that I bought some new clothes in the past month or so. This shouldn't be a big deal but other than a t-shirt or two, I hadn't bought anything new in about three years. And, in the past couple of years, I had given away about ten bags of clothes... so my wardrobe was quite minimal. 

Even so, in the past three years, I can't remember ever saying, "I have nothing to wear." With so few options and with very basic mix-and-match pieces, I didn't think about what I was going to wear, I just pulled something out of the closet and put it on. 

Last week, I found myself standng in my closet, head swimming, dangerously late for work, and muttering, "I have nothing to wear." 

I was shocked. How, when I had all these new beautiful clothes to wear, plus all my tried and true outfits, did I suddenly have nothing to wear? I realized, it wasn't that... I quite literally had more than I had ever had. What I was feeling was that overwhelming sense of drowning in options. I had too many clothing items to choose from and it made me powerless to choose anything. 

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Being me, like I said before, with no attachments, no children, is a gift and a curse. Sometimes the possibilities overwhelm me and I stand, as I did in my closet, with my head aching and my heart pounding, and feeling dangerously close to losing it. 

Stress Less Chesters

This just might be my least favorite time of year. It's so disheartening to hear from so many people that setting goals at New Year's is dumb or a waste of time or that goals are just one more thing at which they fail. 

News flash: Nobody is grading you. 

When I hear people talk about it, I can't help but wonder if they just don't understand how to set goals. There's absolutely no reason why anyone should be frustrated, angry or feeling like a loser just from trying to make changes. Changes that they want, might I add. There are other ways to approach this. 

If you're consistently unable to reach your goals, you may want to rethink your strategy. Don't set yourself up for failure. If you set concurrent goals to lose 30 pounds and to stop smoking, you are probably going to fail. Or wind up in prison for killing a coworker from the stress. Decide which goal is more important for health, financial or social reasons and go after that one. There's always next year to take on the other. 

Tip: If you want to lose 30 pounds, don't set a goal of losing 30 pounds. Set a goal of losing five pounds and then reward yourself with an evening of your favorite magazines and a bubble bath. Then set another five pound goal with a reward attached. You're going to be a lot less stressed, feel achievement at every milestone (which is great for keeping you motivated), and you'll reach the end goal with a lot better frame of mind. And a lot of magazines. 

If you always associate goals with limits/deprivation/pain/punishment, again, rethink your strategy. Nobody died and made you a tyrant. Sure you may want to set a goal to limit sweets or go to the gym more often but who says you can't also have a goal to go out to lunch with your best friend every month? Or buy yourself flowers every payday? My personal fun goal this year is to dance like a drunken monkey every day. Ten days in and it's my favorite part of the day. Look for something fun that will add enjoyment and laughter to your life. 

If you set a goal and don't reach it for whatever reason, avoid the negative self-talk. Celebrate the fact that you identified the change you want to make. There are people who can't even get that far. Review it to see if it can be broken down into smaller, more manageable/achievable goals and start again. Or if you need help, ask. If you just need more time, give it to yourself. You are in control. And throw in another fun goal just to keep up your spirits. 

If you are just repulsed at calling it a goal, call it Chester. It really is that simple. 

Saving for Spring

I've had a couple of email conversations with the realtor and we both agreed that this isn't the right time of year to put my house on the market. There hasn't been much interest in the homes for sale in my neighborhood and the area I want to move to has only added two new places to the market in the last six weeks, neither of which I'm interested in. She said things start to pick up again in the February/March timeframe so I don't have to wait too much longer. *fingers crossed*

It was starting to feel like a defeat, though, in that "things aren't going to plan" sort of way so I decided to do something to feel back in control. And for me, that meant setting new goals. I'm making lists of all the things I'm going to need/want to purchase for the new home and setting aside additional savings each month to cover them. I'm not going to need a lot of things (I'm all about less is more) but there is a desire to buy nicer quality pieces of the few things I'll need. My savings is enough to cover it all now, I'm sure, but I'd like to get through the closing and moving costs and new purchases without dipping into what I have already. So that's the new goal and it makes me feel like the months I've been given while waiting to put my house on the market are a gift, rather than a disappointment. 

In somewhat related news, I've already begun getting excited to create my vision board for 2012. Everything, and I do mean everything, that I had on my board for 2011 has seen amazing progress. I'm definitely a dreamer fueled by goal-setting, determined to make things happen. I can't wait to see what's in store for next year!

When I Set My Mind...

Today I woke determined. I've felt myself pulling back on everything the last month or so and though my instincts said that was the right thing to do, I woke up with a renewed sense of purpose and decided that today was the day I was going to make things happen.

By 8pm, I had:

• Spoken to the realtor and scheduled her to come over Monday to review neighborhood comparable sales and at what price we should list my home
• Scheduled Salvation Army to come at the end of next week to pick up all my excess furniture and household goods that are too big for me to get in my vehicle and take to Goodwill
• Scheduled the plumber to come Friday morning to work on the bathroom drain that has decided to throw a fit this week
• Contacted an electronics recycling company about picking up my old laptops, desktop computer and printer
• Notified my homeowners' association, as per the by-laws, that my house will be for sale soon

 Things are in motion. Let's hope the momentum carries.

One-third Down

It's the first of May, believe it or not. This year is following in the footsteps of its predecessors and speeding by much too quickly. However, May is usually a month full of gorgeous blooming and leafing plants and a bit more consistent warm weather so I'm happy to see its arrival.

Today also marks the end of the first third of the year. It's a good time to take a look at the goals and dreams you set at the beginning of the year and make sure you're tracking to plan. I spent a few minutes with my vision board this morning and I feel very good about where my year is headed.  I had four themes on my board and three of them are well underway. The fourth needs a bit more focus but I work on it when opportunities arise. 

How about you? Are you feeling pretty good about your goals? If not, no worries, you still have plenty of time left in your year. The first of May is a wonderful day to start fresh, renew the commitments you made to yourself and get reenergized. We're lucky here that we're also in the midst of our spring season and that always helps motivate people into action. So, how do you feel? Are you ready to take on the next third of the year and meet some of your goals? What would you like to see accomplished by the time September rolls around? 

Spring forward

This is the morning that we here in North America move our clocks forward one hour so that we can enjoy a bit more sunshine in our evenings. I was awake this morning when the time change officially happened so I was watching when the DVR clock jumped from 1:59am to 3:00am without so much as a hiccup.

And just like that, I was catapulted one hour forward in my life. 

I was inspired by that single moment to find other areas in which I can move my life forward. This is the week I'm going to call the man about fixing up my house for sale. This is the week I buy the tools I need to do a bit of landscaping that will help my house show well. It won't be long before I can call the realtor and say, Yes, I'm ready.

In what areas of your life are you ready to spring forward? What small steps are you ready to take to bring a bit more sunshine to your day?