It's My Life and I'll Write How I Want To

Come here. Lean in a little closer. Closer... that's it. Now, please, hear me when I say this:

I have no burning desire to be published.

There, that felt good. 

I'm not interested in asking my writer friends to become beta readers or submitting query letter after query letter to agents or chasing down publishers and begging them to love me. I couldn't care less about seeing a novel with my name on it for sale or holding a book signing. I'm not asking writing to become my new career nor am I willing to sacrifice the career I have for my writing. I have definite ideas of what I want my life to be right now and that isn't it. 

I was told recently that I wasn't a real writer because I wasn't trying to get published. I've only been white-hot angry a few times in my life and this was one of them. The only time I've been more angry was when I was told I wasn't a real woman because I wasn't a mother. White-hot might be putting it mildly.  

As politely as I could, I told that person I wasn't interested in an opinion other than my own on the subject, and to kindly take it elsewhere. I can be a writer in whatever manner I choose. I have no doubt, I am a writer. 

I'm a writer because I've written every day for years and don't see that changing any time soon. My average fill rate of a handwritten journal is about one per month. I have notebooks on the nightstand, in the den, by the sofa, on the kitchen counter, two in my work bag and one in my purse. I blog regularly (even when you don't see the posts) and I have Word documents on my personal and work laptops for jotting down ideas when inspiration strikes. I've completed a handful of poems, several short stories and two novels and have three novels in process. I am developing a new writing technique that takes advantage of my unique style and learning more about my voice in the process. I'm taking two creative writing courses this spring and I've entered the Script Frenzy challenge in April. 

I'm a writer because I write. Plain and simple. 

Might I one day be published? Perhaps. Might I seek out those beta readers and agents and publishers one day, compelled to see one of my works published? Perhaps. But today, and in the foreseeable future, I don't have the burning desire. Just don't confuse a lack of desire in that area with a lack of passion for the craft. My passion for writing is unequaled. So no, I may never be published but don't ever tell me I'm not a writer.

You don't want to see what's beyond white-hot.

The Best and Worst

For many, the best and worst part about writing is that it is a solitary activity. You, the author, are the only one who knows the story you want to tell, the only one who can describe what your mind sees, the only one who knows when the word you write is the right word. While in the act of writing you cannot interact with others to much degree because concentration and focus are key in getting the words out. Depending on what you are writing, a single completed piece may take days, months, or even years to complete. That means many hours set aside to be alone with your laptop or notebook, your determination and your ideas. That time is important. The very act of creating something so important and so intimate, that comes directly from the innermost parts of you is liberating and powerful. It is not meant to be shared.

I do not know why I was born with a need to write. Not everyone is born this way. I wonder if it was a natural habit to develop given my awkward childhood shyness or if spending all my time reading books and writing stories made me a loner and shy around people. I suppose someone, someday, will think that is worthy of study. Yet, what I am learning as I grow in this craft is that writing is a lot more collaborative than I thought.

That is the best and worst of it for me. Yes, you can write your story alone, completely alone, if that is what you prefer, but I am finding my writing is even better when I have a partner to read, critique and push me to the next level. Even if you write the entire story alone, if you are intent on publishing, you will have to send it to beta readers for review and feedback before sending it to an agent and a publisher, all of whom are going to read and edit and pick apart your work. It takes a great deal of people to get an idea from a story to a published work. 

I struggle with other people reading my fiction. I do not know why other than I am not confident that it is good. It is not that I hate failing (though I do), I just really feel like I should be at a certain level before I even bother other people with my work. I do not know what that level is yet but I do not feel I have reached it. I find this strange because I have no problem writing here, about my life, and having anyone who happens by reading it. Why am I so reluctant to share my other writing?

That is why that fiction contest I entered was such a major step for me. Not only did I ask a friend to read my entry before I sent it in but an entire panel of judges read it. And I paid extra for them to send me a critique on it! This was a huge step. 

I heard last week that I did not make the final cut of the contest. I will learn later this month if I made it within the top 25 or not, but I now know I was not in the top ten. Am I disappointed? A bit. But I am more scared/nervous/excited to hear what comes back in the critique. I have this hope that within that unbiased feedback I will learn where I am on this journey, what next steps I need to take and whether or not I am at that level I feel I need to be to more easily reach out and ask for help along the way. I am learning I cannot do this alone. 

Edited to add: I just happened across this piece and felt it had to be shared.

Ageism and Writing

The author Nicola Morgan has had two interesting articles this week about authors and age. (She blogs here.) The questions were asked by one of her readers if it is more difficult for an older author to get their first book published, and if so, at what age did it seem to make a difference, and why did age matter at all?

I read through the first few paragraphs of the first article with trepidation. I started imagining a year or two or five down the road, with my finely-polished manuscript in hand, ready to begin knocking on agents' doors and having them slammed in my face because I was no longer considered young enough to publish. I am not sure which I felt more strongly, depressed or angry.

I kept reading and learned that statistically speaking, yes, it can be harder for an older author to get published (and by older, one agent said over 50 years old) because there is a perception that older people are less technologically savvy, less fit for the grueling travel of a book tour, and some agents simply want to represent younger authors because they are more likely to have many decades of book writing in front of them.

At this point, I was less depressed but definitely more angry and I was arguing back in my head, "But I am technologically savvy, healthy as a horse, and, pay me enough to retire and I'll write all the books you want." Amazing how much I wanted to be published when I thought it had just been ripped out of my hands.

Ms. Morgan ended her article with the reminder that in the end, it is the story that makes the deal. Write a fantastic book and you are not going to be turned away, regardless of age. However, the older you are, the more fantastic that book will need to be.

But no pressure.

Her second article was a follow-up to the first and said actually age probably matters most for authors who write in the children and young adult genres. The author's voice, especially in those genres, needed to be fresh and modern to appeal to that demographic. Here is where age could play a role, if the author has not kept up with modern writing.

Her biggest piece of advice to authors was not to offer their age to prospective agents in the first place. Let the writing shine and speak for itself. Just make sure that when it does, it does not tell your age.

 * * * 

As readers, does it matter to you how old an author is? Would you find it harder to buy into a plot about a twenty-something year old if you knew the author was approaching sixty? Have you ever been able to guess an author's age by the writing and if so, did it cause you to enjoy the book less?